Today marks the second in-house sessions of sistahlois’ creative capers. At home, last week was a busy time, as I’ve been blessed with three lovely young girls, ages 13, 11, & 7, vocals and piano for two and voice only for the 13 yr. old. For me the most taxing was the taking of monies and receipt giving and I realize that I really hate money in my hand--not sure where this undeserving feeling comes from. I have no challenge accepting gifts, but anything that seems like pay seems to also carry this kind of servitude that harkens back to the financial intimidation the allowed me to stay at CNR, and with several other arrangements that have led to a lot of personal damage to my trust quotient. It’s kind of confusing this feeling of not deserving--cause there are things I am brilliant at and deserve to be paid an even more excellent rate for.
According to the mother of my 11 yr. old student, her daughter thinks she hates opera and has refused to get involved with an “opera teacher.” So, I didn’t try to sell it to the daughter. I just let her do her thing. I was thrilled that after her first half hour when I figured she’d been challenged enough she said, “You know, I thought I would hate this but you’re really cool” I replied, “I’m not cool: you are. Look at the things you sang today that you thought you’d hate or that you couldn’t do.”
Flashback to my own mother trying to sell me on Marian Anderson, Leontyne Price, and Jessye Norman. I bought what she was selling: that the voice could be a magnificent tool or weapon. My mother had faith in my talents, even though at age 13 a vocal adjudicator told me that though I would make a great performer /entertainer, I lacked operatic qualities. Well, my vocal coach was not impressed by that verdict. When she heard that, she made a face and spit to her left with a quick look of disdain. “You open your mouth girl, and sing. You’ve got quality coming out your wazoo!” I think of her again as this Saturday begins. I need to listen to the messages of my old vocal teacher and stand on the knowledge I have gained and the talents that I have.
I really was afraid about this week’s public airing of my own personal dirty laundry (see previous post) and it went fine. Everything was cool, especially me. My notes fell to the floor right at the start, and there they stayed. I surprised myself with how well the story flowed section by section. It came out with honesty and no tears; just calmly expressed. I didn’t win the story slam, but I conquered that fear and I received great audience response.
I know I’m inspired to continue to create these honest yet painful pieces. I know that I am blessed with the things I can do, and I know I have to continue taking the money and writing those receipts. To deal with this fear of people paying for my gift, I have to think of the many, many years I have studied and look upon the money exchange as a bonus that pays the rent and the bills so that I can continue sharing my musical gifts. The Divas of my past and present (yes, Jessye is very much A-LIVE!) have had to overcome racial discrimination and harassment in order to sing. I refuse to let a little bit of paper hold me down.
According to the mother of my 11 yr. old student, her daughter thinks she hates opera and has refused to get involved with an “opera teacher.” So, I didn’t try to sell it to the daughter. I just let her do her thing. I was thrilled that after her first half hour when I figured she’d been challenged enough she said, “You know, I thought I would hate this but you’re really cool” I replied, “I’m not cool: you are. Look at the things you sang today that you thought you’d hate or that you couldn’t do.”
Flashback to my own mother trying to sell me on Marian Anderson, Leontyne Price, and Jessye Norman. I bought what she was selling: that the voice could be a magnificent tool or weapon. My mother had faith in my talents, even though at age 13 a vocal adjudicator told me that though I would make a great performer /entertainer, I lacked operatic qualities. Well, my vocal coach was not impressed by that verdict. When she heard that, she made a face and spit to her left with a quick look of disdain. “You open your mouth girl, and sing. You’ve got quality coming out your wazoo!” I think of her again as this Saturday begins. I need to listen to the messages of my old vocal teacher and stand on the knowledge I have gained and the talents that I have.
I really was afraid about this week’s public airing of my own personal dirty laundry (see previous post) and it went fine. Everything was cool, especially me. My notes fell to the floor right at the start, and there they stayed. I surprised myself with how well the story flowed section by section. It came out with honesty and no tears; just calmly expressed. I didn’t win the story slam, but I conquered that fear and I received great audience response. I know I’m inspired to continue to create these honest yet painful pieces. I know that I am blessed with the things I can do, and I know I have to continue taking the money and writing those receipts. To deal with this fear of people paying for my gift, I have to think of the many, many years I have studied and look upon the money exchange as a bonus that pays the rent and the bills so that I can continue sharing my musical gifts. The Divas of my past and present (yes, Jessye is very much A-LIVE!) have had to overcome racial discrimination and harassment in order to sing. I refuse to let a little bit of paper hold me down.
The DIVAS!
Marian Anderson:http://www.mariananderson.org/
Leontyne Price: http://www.mswritersandmusicians.com/musicians/leontyne-price.html
Jessye Norman: http://www.myspace.com/jessyenormanfanpage
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